Baby Development

How does the self-confident child grow?

How does the self-confident child grow?

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Self-confidence is one of the most important elements that a person should have in life. Every parent wants his child to have self-confidence. What should he do about it? Reply to this article ELELE Child and Family Psychological Counseling Development and Training Center Psychologist and Special Education Specialist Bihter Mutlu Gencer Responds.

What is self-confidence?

self-esteem; self-love; being at peace with oneself; psychological maturity, ie emotional awareness / insight; being simple and simple; to feel good and sufficient naturally, to be able to produce healthy solutions instead of collapsing in the face of life's challenges, to be able to accept oneself with its strengths and weaknesses, to be open to criticism; the ability to easily cope with loneliness, and be comfortable and peaceful when alone; to be able to speak of his thoughts and feelings easily and without shame; making healthy decisions; because it believes in decisions and thoughts can be explained in the form of transferring them to other people through healthy communication.

What is self-confidence?

Self-confidence is not an eternal sense of freedom; it is not that one always acts with his / her own needs in mind without knowing the limits of seviy I love myself ”. It is not that a person behaves as if he is very comfortable with a swollen ego in social environments thanks to some social skills he has developed, but in fact, he has a constant inner unrest in the depths. Narsisa had no choice but to fall in love with herself. Perhaps this is the only way to close the wounds of his soul kapat

So how does this mental injury occur?

We can classify it as follows.

  • It can occur as a result of the inability of the mother to adequately meet the baby's physical and mental needs during infancy.
  • A child who is constantly criticized and intervened by his / her parents develops a feeling of “shame.. The fear that he will always do something wrong, that he will say something wrong, that the feeling of being “wrong zaten already comes into being.
  • In addition, when a child is always tried to be molded by his parents, he always develops attitudes and attitudes to please the other. He is over-sensitive to what the other person thinks about him and constantly tries to anticipate his wishes and act accordingly. Because he thinks that he can be loved and accepted only if and only if the people opposite him want someone. This naturally results in great internal conflict and unrest. On the one hand, one's own personality, their own desires, what they can do and on the one hand people's expectations kal Stuck in the middle… Constantly yaşam how difficult life is with the feeling that I shouldn't be made em matters They may say ”no” and they do not upset themselves or others in meeting expectations.
  • At the other extreme, there are overprotective attitudes. These attitudes make children feel like çıkmış fish out of water ığ when they have to come and go in parentless environments, such as school or social settings. The child realizes that he has accomplished the things he has achieved so far, not by himself, but by his parents, and thinks they are nothing if he is not there. These feelings can be carried to adulthood. Therefore, the child should feel competence. In other words, in order to experience the feeling of ben I succeeded ”, it must be given many opportunities in different environments. The child tries something, fails, tries again, fails again, tries again and finally succeeds. Thus, he begins to have an idea about himself and what he can do. If the parents think instead of him so that the child will be happy, the child does not need to think; if he decides instead, the child cannot learn to decide; if the child does the work, the child becomes dependent, and may have false perceptions and beliefs about himself.

What are the mistakes parents make when raising children?

We can think of it as myths of parenting. Here are some of them:

“If we hug and kiss, the child will be spoiledNegative behaviors may occur in children whose other needs are ignored and constantly kissed with guilt.

“Much interest makes the child insatiable”On the contrary, little attention makes the child insatiable, because the child is insatiable with little interest and resort to behavioral problems in order to get attention, albeit negatively. Because the child wants to be seen one way or another.

“Real life is very cruel. Let the child learn what life is like şimd The child develops feelings of failure and inadequacy in the child.

Mek Praising the child spoils him ” Needless to say, unnecessary, unwarranted or excessive praise undermines the child's trust in parents. The child immediately understands an dishonest praise and knows that he does not deserve it.

“The world is full of dangers, the child needs to be constantly protected” Of course we have to protect our child. However, overprotective approaches do not develop the child and do not support independence and individuality.

What should parents do?

Golden rules:

* The child must love unconditionally, be able to feel unique and special.

* According to the age should give responsibility and the child should be able to trust him to show. The parents should trust him so he can trust himself. It is also very important to know the child's limits and to adjust expectations according to capacity.

* Instead of overprotective approach, the child should support his / her independence as he / she grows up. He should be able to allow him to experience the experience of falling and getting up again by standing behind for an age, and going to the movies with his friends when he is an adolescent…

* Parents need to model their children as self-confident adults. Instead of being able to say “it was just a life experience karşısında in the face of mistakes, the parent who criticized him in front of his child was a negative example. Growing up in family environments with optimistic perspectives is effective in the development of the child's self-confidence.

* Create trust-based home environments where healthy communications are experienced.

* As the age of children grows, it may occasionally have negative effects on self-esteem of school and friends. Parents need to be sensitive to such experiences and help the child reaffirm their positive beliefs about themselves before they become overprotective.

* Parents should remember their children with respect and great curiosity instead of seeing their children as extensions of their development and individuality.

ELELE Child and Family Counseling Development and Education Center

(212) 2239107



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  3. Jerod

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